I have had occasions where I've seen and interacted with persons who are convinced they are too dark skinned or that their black was not beautiful enough so they have sought to do away with it by using the many bleaching agents that are now available, I try to enlighten them but sadly to no avail as most of my words often fall unto deaf ears; Mental slavery is a horrific thing, I am one who considers myself enlightened and would proudly wear my black crown not just in my country Jamaica but wherever my feet happen to wander.
I being as free spirited as a bird and wanting to see three quarters of the world before I arrive at age forty recently decided to pack my suitcase and jet it off to Argentina; a place where none of my friends or family members have ever traversed, and watching the movie where Madonna played Evita had caused me to be very intrigued and fascinated by. Don't get it wrong now I'm not some rich kid who can afford to just jump on a plane and go wherever I like but if you are a free spirit like I am then you'd understand what I mean when I say "I live without inhibitions" live life one day at a time. Having two thousand dollars in the bank and deciding to go to France not knowing what u are going to eat or not knowing where u going to get money to buy souvenirs but going anyway just because you always wanted to see the Eiffel tower.
It was this very strange Spanish speaking country in South America that caused me to question my black heritage, and no I do not speak Spanish I know how to say "hola" and "si" and I had a Spanish dictionary so I felt that would be enough . So there I was in this very peculiar country I took the first day to sleep off the almost twelve hours of travelling and the very next couple of days I was sightseeing; Going on the street I encountered stares not just people glancing at u because you are nicely dressed but people literally gaping, one lady actually asked to touch me saying she never saw a black person before other than on TV! Huh??? Was I at the back of beyond? Where had I landed?we had already discovered that the world was round and if we traveled we wouldn't fall off, so is it that these people don't go anywhere or is it that black people just don't come here?
All the walks I walked I didn't see any black faces and the stares became a might uncomfortable I felt like a small piece of cheese in a den of rats, no the people were not hostile they just did not know how to take away their eyes. I have to say that after the first couple of days I didn't want to go out anymore, I was not used to being stared at so much after all in my country Jamaica I'm not a celebrity nor am I really even known I do nothing to garner attention, just a skinny black girl going about her business.
Well there I was sitting on my room floor eating ice cream and cereal which is actually really good (try it) and watching mtv one of the few stations that isn't all Spanish when I see a footage of paparazzi chasing Rhianna and hurling questions she wouldn't wish to answer at her and she just strut her stuff and paid them no attention and then it hit me if Rhianna can do it well so can I; so I got dressed and hit the streets and I walked so upright and strutted so well that I bet Tyra Banks herself would have wanted me to come model. My now proud stance earned me cat calls and whistles and I just smiled, flashed my weaved and walked on like yeah man am a celebrity this must be how Beyonce feels when she steps out unto the street well excepting there was no paparazzi all the same I strut my stuff and flashed my pearly whites like I was on the red carpet.
Would you believe I eventually ran into a tall black man and there I was about to rush into his arms so we could bond together, us I figured being the only black faces in this whole country when I realized that he was stereo-typically selling knock off gold watches at the corner of the street, sighs thus I stared clear of him. Well back to my story as I said earlier this said country caused me to question myself.
Would you believe I eventually ran into a tall black man and there I was about to rush into his arms so we could bond together, us I figured being the only black faces in this whole country when I realized that he was stereo-typically selling knock off gold watches at the corner of the street, sighs thus I stared clear of him. Well back to my story as I said earlier this said country caused me to question myself.
About one week from my departure I took a cab and when to the mall I remembered the cab driver saying in his broken English "alto palmero good buy, ah ah everything, lots of stuff it iz here" with my new found celebrity status I stepped out put on my shades and hit the runway, I smiled and walked, I entered a couple stores and the people rushed to my assistance after they realized I was a tourist, I began to think yeah man I could get used to this country maybe they would make me a real life celebrity or something. I saw one store had a sales sign on their window,when I entered there were three customers inside and about four shop attendants, at the time I wondered for such a tiny store why would they need so many attendants anyway I began browsing and I felt the stares but I paid no attention, I took up a cute pink shirt hello kitty printed all over it and approached the counter,the girl looking like a teenager saw me coming and basically scampered from behind it and moved to the side of the store I thought "well that's strange" I followed her and took the things I wanted to purchase to show her but when I came near she got this scared look in her eyes and only moved further, staring at me like she was a deer caught in my headlights I then realized it was my skin color she was afraid of. I put the clothes back on the counter and I walked out all the while feeling terribly ashamed for what I could not possibly tell. I decided to leave the mall, I no longer felt like a celebrity and all of a sudden I felt like the stares had become hostile, I wanted to burst into tears but was scared I was going to be laughed at. At that moment standing at the entrance and waiting for a taxi, I wished I was white, wished I didn't have all this melanin, I wished I was as unnoticeable as all those people, they all had the same color, noone stared at them, I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be one of them. I went home and just kicked off my shoes and for the first time in years I cried, I didn't feel hungry, I ate nothing I just wanted to go home, I slept and had nightmares, that little shop attendant had made me question myself made me feel like I was nothing. For the next two days I didn't even go on my balcony.
Then being alone I began to think, I come from Kings and Queens I therefore am a princess my ancestors fought many wars and many died to let me be where I am today, they would not be proud of me at this very moment seeing me cowering in an apartment all because one person was ignorant, I was acting a fool, everyone else had been extremely nice and tried their best to understand my dictionary Spanish, even the guy who did my hair had told me in is horrible English that I was the prettiest girl he had ever done. My back became erect again, my head stood high, one little stupid girl was not going to ruin my trip no sirree I am Jamaican and as such we fear no one and nothing, we with our tiny selves can conquer the world, thus I put on my clothes grabbed my shades and went back to that very mall I decided to pull a Julia Roberts from "pretty woman" I went to all the shops where the people were nice to me and glad for my business and I shopped! Lastly I went back into that little store with all my bags, went straight up to the counter where the girl was, stood there and said "boo" you should have seen how her eyes widened, I walked out laughing princess/ celebrity style. I went, I saw and I conquered, ha who was gonna stop me. I left Argentina feeling stronger than ever, and again I was the only black person on that plane heading to Panama but I was royalty. who could stop me?
All the same Argentina is a wonderful and beautiful country and I would encourage anyone black, white, blue or yellow to go there, its a beautiful country with some of the most beautiful people who even if you are lost will walk you home or try their best to understand your mixture of English and Spanish to help you. Thanks for reading catch you next time.
Then being alone I began to think, I come from Kings and Queens I therefore am a princess my ancestors fought many wars and many died to let me be where I am today, they would not be proud of me at this very moment seeing me cowering in an apartment all because one person was ignorant, I was acting a fool, everyone else had been extremely nice and tried their best to understand my dictionary Spanish, even the guy who did my hair had told me in is horrible English that I was the prettiest girl he had ever done. My back became erect again, my head stood high, one little stupid girl was not going to ruin my trip no sirree I am Jamaican and as such we fear no one and nothing, we with our tiny selves can conquer the world, thus I put on my clothes grabbed my shades and went back to that very mall I decided to pull a Julia Roberts from "pretty woman" I went to all the shops where the people were nice to me and glad for my business and I shopped! Lastly I went back into that little store with all my bags, went straight up to the counter where the girl was, stood there and said "boo" you should have seen how her eyes widened, I walked out laughing princess/ celebrity style. I went, I saw and I conquered, ha who was gonna stop me. I left Argentina feeling stronger than ever, and again I was the only black person on that plane heading to Panama but I was royalty. who could stop me?
All the same Argentina is a wonderful and beautiful country and I would encourage anyone black, white, blue or yellow to go there, its a beautiful country with some of the most beautiful people who even if you are lost will walk you home or try their best to understand your mixture of English and Spanish to help you. Thanks for reading catch you next time.
copyright by Aneisha Smith July 8 2013
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