What is in the dark

Scrolling down my timeline on Facebook and twitter, I have noticed the recent happenings concerning Bill Cosby and the rape allegations against him. I have read most of the stories and opinions from people all around the world, some of which have appalled and saddened me. Normally I do not write about issues surrounding or involving celebrities and their lives but this one I could not just scroll by and say it’s not my business this one has had an impact on me.

         

   When I hear a rape victim speak out my heart softens and naturally I begin to sympathise with them; it takes courage and bravado to admit you were raped, I personally believe that rape is one of the worst crimes a man can commit against a woman. It takes away their dignity, their pride; they feel ashamed, unworthy and guilty. It leads some women to suicide as it becomes unbearable to think about what was done to them, some will blame themselves, questioning whether they had a part to play in the hideous act, asking themselves: why did I go to that party? Why did I walk on the street in that dress? Why was I stupid enough to trust him? The ordeal is absolutely awful but I think the most difficult part is reporting it; going to someone and saying you have been raped, exposing the shame so others can sit, speculate and analyse whether you are being truthful or not, whether you have an ulterior motive, seeking money or fame and fortune, let’s face it, as a rape victim, there will be people who believe you and people who think you are lying.

          

  On the other hand one of the worst things a woman can do to a man is to falsely accuse him of rape, this completely destroys a man’s reputation, it breaks up families, and the man is looked down upon and ostracized. There are many innocent men in prisons just because a woman looked at them and cried rape, a woman who was so conniving and convincing that a jury believed her and destroyed a man’s life forever sentencing him to a life of misery, for if not exonerated that man will live the rest of his life being labelled a sex offender. Hearing stories such as these breaks our hearts and makes us rather angry, wanting to lash out at the horrible women who do this.

          

  I grew up watching the Cosby show and I fell in love with Dr Huxtable, he came across as the father I always wanted but never had. He was this upstanding black man who supported his family and imparted wisdom to his children often times in a comical manner, whenever I saw his show come on, I would stop whatever I was doing and run towards the television, whatever needed to be done was done during the commercials. I adored this man and envied his kids for having such a wonderful father, however, I have never met Bill Cosby, I know not what he is like, I have never viewed his life, I do not know if he is a great father, husband and human being; it was not Bill Cosby I loved it was Dr Huxtable the character he portrayed on television but somehow my mind refuses to differentiate between the two.

           

That is how it always is, when we see a movie starring Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise, we know it will be good, there will be lots of action, they will fight lots of bad men all by themselves, they will take a few licks but in the end they will be victorious. We see them in these movies as being invincible and we expect them to be like this in reality, for instance if a criminal was to break into Tom Cruise’s house and he ran away and called the police to be rescued we would be disappointed. We would expect it to be nothing for him to take on that one man, take away his weapon and make him regret coming into his house, I mean it is Tom Cruise; he was so awesome in Mission impossible, he is supposed to be fearless.

           

We are all guilty of this, all guilty of mixing these characters with the real people, judging them based on the roles they play. For example when I was younger I watched a movie titled “ Woman thou art loosed”, Clifton Brown’s character raped a little girl which led her to be cast out of her family after which she led a rather horrific life. I hated this man in the movie and was rather happy when he died, in every movie I saw him in afterwards; whether he played a good or bad role I hated him. If I should ever meet Mr Brown I think some part of me would dislike him because I still associate him with the raping of that little girl. In reality he is probably an awesome person but I would not know that because I have already set my mind against him based on a role he played.

         

   The most horrific thing that can befall a man is being falsely accused of rape; it is the worst form of slander and can totally destroy his life, especially if he is an upstanding famous person. This always seems to befall celebrities; a woman will cry rape, appearing on television bawling her eyes out, giving graphic details of a crime that did not occur, doing this for fame, for money or for whatever reasons their small minds can conjure and let’s face it sometimes we believe these wretched women, for when they utter the fateful words we empathize and sympathise and pat them on the back for being courageous enough to stand up to the rich and horrible monster.  Right away we find the man guilty and he suffers drastically, losing friends, sources of employment, respect, he loses almost everything until he can prove his innocence and sometimes proving this can be quite difficult, leaving a rather large blot on his reputation, for even if he is found not guilty there will always be someone believing in his guilt and claiming some reason or other as to why he got away.

          

  Recently I was watching law and order svu on that episode a black teacher was accused of raping some young white boys, throughout the episode, I believed and sympathised with these boys, I disliked the teacher and hoped he would get raped in jail so he could be humiliated. When he was exonerated I was ashamed, I felt sorry for him, his reputation was tarnished, he lost his job, his family had cut him off he lost all his money, he was left with nothing and in the end some of the detectives still sympathised with the boys, wondering how they would get over the ordeal of remembering so many lies and how this would affect their lives in future. Unfair world isn’t it?

           

When we see and hear of situations such as Mr Cosby’s we take sides, some of us believe the women are telling the truth, for we reason so many women cannot be telling lies, while some may say why did they wait so many years to come forward? Why is it when one person steps forward then everybody jumps on the bandwagon? Is it a conspiracy to destroy this man? Do they have ulterior motives?  When I was eighteen years of age, I was almost raped by a wealthy, upstanding citizen of my country; I still have a scar on my hip from where he pushed me down a flight of stairs when I tried to run from him. When he finally pinned me down I tried to reason with him, explaining I was a virgin and I did not wish to lose it in such a manner, this only excited him more, what made him stopped was when I realised it was fruitless to struggle so I gave up, I looked him dead in the eye and told him if he raped me he better be prepared to kill me for whether it be six months or five years I would make it my life long mission to destroy him. He must have seen the seriousness on my face for coward that he was he stood up saying it as not worth it.

 I left that man’s house and I did not tell anyone of what had befallen me, I felt naïve, stupid and ashamed. Eight years have passed and now I wonder if someone stepped up and said this man raped them would I be brave enough to say he almost raped me too? Would people call me a liar because I waited eight years to speak out? Would they say it is because I am writing a book and seeking publicity? Now and then I think of this man, it is not something easily forgotten, if not let out it will be always be inside eating and destroying you.

          

  It takes a special breed of sick twisted man to hold down a thrashing screaming woman and take her most prized possession, is Mr Cosby that sort of man? I look at his picture and he looks so grandfatherly, like the kind of man I could sit at his feet and listen to him tell stories and impart knowledge and advice all day long. The kind of black man we as the young generation look up to and some of us aspire to be and this is what saddens us most about this situation, we see him as an idol and if our idol is brought low then we lose hope, we see the world as the evil place it can be.

         

   We should ask ourselves, are we sympathizing with these women because we see rape as a horrible crime and automatically our sympathies are drawn to anyone whom we feel has gone through this? Do we think he is guilty because we love to hate on celebrities for they have what some of us wish we had? Or do we believe in or idol because these women waited too long to come forward? Because some of them have not so righteous reputations, are you defending Bill Cosby or Dr Huxtable? Who is telling the truth? Only time will tell, meanwhile we wait with bated breaths, wishing, hoping, and praying.