She has been my best friend
for forever and a day and our moms were best friends before that. I cannot
remember a time when she was not in my life, always cracking a joke or telling
animated, humorous stories. We know each other through and through, I remember
the time I was ten years of age and she eleven and she grew vagina hair, I went to her house and told her to open her
legs so I could count them, then we examined each other's chest to see who
would grow boobs first; she did first of course and to not feel left out I
begged my mother for training bras so we could both be wearing at the same time and she promised not to wear
any brassiere until I got mine. Those were the days full of fun and frolic.
We
parted, she went abroad and we lost touch, seven years later we rediscovered
each other and our love rekindled. It was like we had seen each other the day
before, conversations and laughter flowed easily, we reminisced and laughed at
our stupidity, filling in all the gaps and spaces that were left gaping from
the lengthy silence. We had somehow changed, our appearances had but not our
minds and our hearts, her love for me still shimmered in her eyes; Grasping and
leaping to enfold me in its kindness. she was still the one person I could tell
everything all my fears, troubles, trials and tribulations and she listened
sympathetically and encouraged, telling me everything was gonna be alright; the
big sister I never had. She never really told me her problems but kept them
inside, maybe she didn't want to burden me or maybe the long absence had
changed her making her more secretive.
One
day we decided to Skype I lay on the bed and we chatted about primary school,
love, life and Christ. She had become a Christian and I envied the happiness I saw reflecting in her
eyes but I could not comprehend how going to church and reading the Bible could
leave one feeling so exhilarated and I told her thus. She replied "I
haven't always been this happy Aneisha, most of my life I have been sad I have
carried a burden that got me down sometimes but Christ helped me to
overcome" in my head I rolled my eyes thinking "yep, here comes the
testimony that all Christians give" that is when her next few words
silenced me and shattered my world " I'm going to tell you something, that
I have never told anyone" I waited with bated breath wondering what it
could be what could she possibly tell me that was so serious. Had she killed
someone? Did she witness a murder? "Aneisha, from I've been in the third
grace I've been sexually molested up until I was 14 years of age" I
couldn't speak I just looked at my computer screen and said "nah, nah man
nah that couldn’t happen you would have told me", "yes" she said"
by people who if I told u who they were u wouldn't believe" "you mean
it’s more than one?????". I shouted in disbelief “Yeah more than one!
Horrible things were done to me" I stuck my hands in my ears as if I were
a little child trying to block out all the ugliness and I screamed "I
don't wanna hear, please don't tell me! Please I don't wanna cry, please"
she looked at me with a deep sadness and said "if I told you I would cry
too and right now I don't want to or I will not stop" I looked at her with
bewilderment my happy and naïve little world completely torn apart, I saw the
sadness reflected in her eyes and I knew it was the truth they had wounded her
terribly. This was my best friend and someone had hurt her, someone had made
her feel pain, made her carry this burden for half her life, someone had made
her cry and hate herself at one point, they had destroyed her childhood, she
had only pretended to be happy. I became angry “who was it??" I shouted! "Who
did this???" She said "calm down honey and don't let it get to you,
the who and the why is not important, what is important here is what I'm about
to say to you, I have forgiven them, I have not forgotten but I have forgiven,
I no longer carry around that burden, it no longer as an impact on my life, I
pity them for their weakness towards flesh and I pray for them that they may
overcome and become better men" I looked at her my chin almost touching my
chest " are u crazy?" I shouted incredulously "you can't forgive
them!!!!!! They should not be forgiven! Tell me who they are so I can curse
them in fact I wanna kill them!!!!! She laughed "you were always full of
spirit, but you are too fiery, you need to learn inner peace, learn to forget
and move on, learn to not let the past affect you so much, I am happy and they
no longer have influence over my happiness, I have found Jesus and he gives me
Joy"
.
I could not understand the words she spoke they made no impact on me I carry
around a list of people in my head who have done me wrong and each time I
remember what they did it pushes renewed energy towards my anger. I looked at
her " nope I aint the forgiving type and I hate them I hate them with such
a powerful hatred that I want to kill them" she looked at me with sadness
and there were tears glistening in her eyes " then I'm sorry for you
Aneisha, cause you are weak and I pray for the day when you find what I have
found and I pray it happens quickly" with that said we said our "I
love you's" and promised to chat again soon. I closed my lappy screen and
I cried, I cried for my the little girl who had been hurt, who every day came
to school and had to pretend everything was right with her world, who had been
there for me in my times of need even when she was hurt, who had had to bear
her burden all alone with no one to give her comfort. I cried and I prayed that
those dirty men would one day receive something horrible for what they had done
to her and I prayed for revenge for I wanted them to suffer and I wanted to see
it so it could give me some sort of satisfaction.
It was months later that I remembered her
words and it brought me some peace to know that she was finally happy and It
took a whole lot of courage that I did not have for her to say those words and
forgive those imbeciles. I then realized this young lady my best friend who has
always been there when I needed a shoulder to cry on is in fact one of the strongest person I have
ever met and I am glad that I know her and she is in my life, maybe the day
will arrive when she changes me who knows :)
“Someone once asked me how can you be so happy
after you have been through so much and I replied its because I am a victor not
a victim"
For Licia. (love always)
Copyright by : Aneisha A. Smith, August 6,2013
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