I Kissed a Girl

I do not comprehend lesbianism, nope I am not bashing lesbians, I dont care a farthing how other people wish to live their lives everyone is entitled to be happy but I must say I am way too jealous to be with another girl. I think I am the only one in the relationship who is supposed to have boobs for if I had a girlfriend her breasts are bound to be bigger than mine and that would never do; f.y.i. I think all women breast are bigger than mine, my brother says I have a chest plate of armour. When I lay on my back my chest becomes a flat as a board, no cleavage nothing, I have worn the same size bra since the ninth grade which is quite shameful. I do not know why God didn’t give me even a Bcup, I would do surgery and upgrade myself but sadly I do not possess that type of cash so with these small boobs I have to remain, therefore it is impossible for me to become a lesbian.

            I was on route to Germany recently when I had an unusual experience, please note that going to Germany does not mean I am rich, if I was I could afford boobs. There I was in a huge plane with about thirty people on it, I was prepared for a long boring flight thus I had bought a John Grisham novel to keep me company. I had met this guy while waiting to board, his name was Ian, he said he was on his way to Paris to perform in the circus, he swung on the trapeze I found this quite hilarious, I imagined this thick black man covered in disco dust swinging in the air, see? Hilarious, since we looked to be the only Jamaicans on board we decided to stick together, we began to talk and it seemed we had known each other forever, we were laughing and chatting loudly in patwa since nobody could understand what we were saying when this light skinned British girl in a short black wig and long skirt came up and gave Ian a phone which she had borrowed earlier, she sat with us saying we were super cool.  I shall call her Jasmine (obviously not her right name) she had this super cool British accent f.y.i I love British accents if I had a boyfriend I would totally leave him for a dude with a British accent, shameful I know but sometimes a girl just cannot help the way she feels. Jasmine seemed the wild type she had a case of wray and Nephew white overproof rum and she popped out a bottle asked the stewardess for some coke and proceeded to get wasted. She tried to force some on me but I am not a drinker and my friends can attest to that one glass and my eyes begin to close so I keep away from the stuff. Ian was drinking and each time is glass was emptied, she filled it and ordered him to drink I just sat and giggled at the exasperated look on his face.  The more Jasmine drank the louder she got our seating area was beginning to look and sound like a roadside bar I have to admit I was becoming  a tad embarrassed.

            Finally to Ian’s relief Jasmine whispered she wished to speak to me privately and we moved to another seat, she asked if Ian and I were together and I laughingly told her we had just met to which she exclaimed “good”. I began to think she had a crush on him and wanted to seduce him so they could join the mile high club which seemed quite exciting. Jasmine proceeded to tell me a sad story of how she had been in Jamaica for a year with a police man who had continuously abused her, she showed me the cuts and cigarette burns on her hands and moved her bang to show the scar on her forehead, she said when she went to the police station and reported the abuse the officers told her to try and work it out because they wouldn’t lock up their “squaddy”. I asked why she hadn’t left him a long time ago she said the sex was good and each time they fought the makeup sex was awesome.  She said she left him and found a girlfriend but the girl just wanted money so she decided to go back to England.

            I was alarmed and felt sorry for her thus I began to counsel this young lady about the merits of having self-respect and morals when in the middle of a sentence she launched at me pushed me down on the seat and stuck her tongue in my mouth. I tasted the chocolate she had eaten earlier and the rum along with the excess saliva In her mouth, I sputtered, pushed her off and asked her what the hell she was doing. She then proceeded to babble about how nice and pretty I was how she wanted me to love her; she would take me to England and spend all her cash on me. I told her I like men, specifically men with muscles and tats not girls with boobs! Would you believe this girl burst into tears? I eased past her and ran to the bathroom to rinse out my mouth, upon coming out she met me at the bathroom door held on to my sweater and proceeded to tell me how good we could be together, of course I was becoming embarrassed, people were beginning to stare, yep we were the only black people on the plane and we were causing a scene, to avoid further damage I turned to Jasmine and told her to please return to her seat I would be there shortly, I watched as she stumbled up the aisle in a drunken stupor then decided to complain to the flight attendants.

     

      They decided to take away her alcohol and hide me in first class I guess they didn’t want me to sue the airline for sexual harassment or something. It was my first time going to first class cannot afford those seats at the moment, it was so comfortable I fell asleep but after I woke up I felt like an impostor among all those “rich folks” so I crawled back to Ian who told me that while I was asleep Jasmine had been walking around screaming she wanted her “ f#@king girl and her f@#king rum” he laughed so hard it’s a wonder he didn’t pee his pants.  Well I was hidden until Jasmine came off the plane and what I figured would be a long boring flight turned out to be my first lesbo experience and nah guys it aint for me. catch u next time. 

p.s. Domestic abuse is not a joke, Jasmine if u ever come across this blog i hope you have gone to AA and taking better care of yourself and i hope to God u have not been chasing other females offering them money for their love you are a beautiful girl you are better than that. Ian i lost u in Frankfurt the security said i couldnt stand where u left me so i had to leave before getting your info if u ever come across this blog hit me up you a good dude ...........
written and copyrighted by: Aneisha A. Smith. July 30, 2014