Death's Door

We lay side by side on his white satin sheets; they felt smooth on my just waxed and showered skin. He put his nose in my hair has he always does and sighed with contentment at the fresh herbal essence smell. “Green Apple” he says “my favourite” he rubs my thighs and fumbles at the lingerie I put on for him,” I am happy you finally learnt to please me” he breathes whisperingly. He turns me unto my side and proceeds to kiss me and that’s when he felt it, the hot flowing tears I was trying to conceal, he stops and pulls away, “whatever is the matter? Are you hurt? Are you in pain?”

“No it’s ok” I replied “ignore it; use me like everyone else does” I saw the bewilderment on his face, “I can’t do it if you are unhappy, what happened?” I forced a laugh “don’t be silly, of course I am happy, why wouldn’t i be? Something passed by in the air and it burned my nose and caused my eyes to tear”

“o Good” he smiled, showing is perfectly even white teeth, he was so handsome with his well-toned body and flawless skin, I should be happy. “ Go wash your face baby and come back smiling” I obediently got up and went into the bathroom, I splashed the water unto my face, I used my hands to puff up my hair, pushed up my bra to gain more cleavage and practised in the mirror the smile I would return with to make him feel better.

He stripped off our clothes with breathless fervor I stared at the ceiling and counted sixteen strokes before he collapsed, breathing heavily into my neck. He told me how good I was, how much he loved me and what a lovey present he would bring for me tomorrow. I kissed him and told him yes I had and orgasm and he was such a great lover, I often wondered if he never realised how dry I was. I had waxed my whole body for five minutes of continuous stabbing, what a waste, he rolled off me and was soon asleep ,I was left to stare into the darkness alone with my thoughts.

I was coming apart, I had to find a way to piece myself together again, how could I allow myself to let him see my tears? He never noticed I barely ate, I had lost five pounds, no one noticed anything, and all they saw was the big beautiful fake smile I choose to show them. They never looked past that, they think I am happy and life is great. How surprised would they be if I did it? Who would mourn?? Who would gossip? Who would come dressed in black proclaiming their love for me? Would he be there in all his rich handsome glory? Would he be angry if I did it and embarrassed him or would he be sad and mourn my loss? How soon would he replace me?

I could take a bunch of pills, would it hurt? I could use a rope or one of his bed sheets , I giggled at the thought of him finding me , I wonder how would he react, how would it affect him? I could go atop one of those skyscrapers and I could fly one last time, to feel the breeze blowing into my face, freedom, I would close my eyes before I landed and I would see and feel nothing. It’s getting late, I touched myself my usual routine to fall asleep , he didn’t budge as I kissed his cheek; tomorrow is another day, the facade must continue , I would put on a smile and go face the world once more…..

There are many persons out there both young and old who are suffering in silence; each day seems like a large mountain for them to crawl over. Some would like to speak out but they are afraid, afraid of being judged, being gossiped about, being ostracized. We do not know the battle a person faces each day, but after reading this story I hope you will tell your family and friends how much you love and care for them and that you can be the shoulder if ever they needed to lean , because we never know who may be at death's door wanting to jump in.Thanks so much for reading, catch you next time.

For they who are afraid to speak but die slowly has each day passes......

Copyrighted by : Aneisha A. Smith. May 3, 2015.